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I have been trying to stay positive and look on the bright side but the truth of the matter is I am really struggling at the moment. I am definitely suffering from IRD!
What I really don't understand is that no one would expect a alcoholic or a drug addict to go "Cold Turkey" but it seems perfectly acceptable for the doctors to say to me "no running" and I'm supposed to say "Great, life is good!".
My name is Lesley and I am a runoholic.
I have cursed, I have cried, I have shouted, I have screamed, I have over-eaten and I am slowly turning into an alcoholic - I need HELP!
I know I should think of this resting period as a short-term solution and if I don't rest I may have a long-term problem but that's not HELPING!
Just when I think things are improving and I start to hope that I might be able to go for "just a little one" my ankle says "don't even think about it" and sends a sharp painful spasm just to remind me that it is useless! I'm sinking into despair and feel like I will never run again in my life. As each day goes by I can feel all my hard earned fitness slowly slipping away and before long I am going to be back at couch potato level. If I go back to that level will I even want to run again?
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Just to stick the knife in a little deeper, yesterday I got my race number for the 10K Mad Dog race I am supposed to be running next Sunday. Another DNS for me ...
... and then there's all the non-runners who really don't have a clue how bad I currently feel, about myself and life in general. They try and say the right things but get it all wrong. People think I am irrational and being excessive when I say I feel bereaved as if someone has taken away my best friend. BUT That's what it is like. I depend on running to make me healthier, happier, saner, to focus my mind and to have a goal in life.
I want to run and I want to run NOW! I know that sounds very brattish but that's how I feel. I also don't appreciate being told that at my age injuries take longer to heal and perhaps now is the time to realise I am not as young as I used to be!
NO! No! No! I will not be resigned to the scrapheap - just yet!I know I'm miserable and my emotions are all over the place. I know patience and sympathy is running thin and I also know if this injury persists I will be totally alone in my suffering. No one wants to be friends with a neurotic injured runner - that much is clear!
So there it is! My life!
I am back to work tomorrow for the first time since being signed off 17 days ago. I think that hurts even more! If I am fit enough to work I am fit enough to run ... surely?
Lesley, I can SOOOOO relate to what you are going through, and I TOO feel like no one really understands! I haven't been able to run in 3 weeks and I feel like I am literally going insane...I've been so "depressed", which is TOTALLY not like me. It's like my body just got so used to having the endorphins I got from running, and now it's kinda going through withdrawal or something. I know "logically" I will be able to run again at some point, and I "shouldn't" feel this way, but I can't help it, or control it. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that SOMEONE out there understands and sympathizes with what you are going through...hang in there. :)
ReplyDeleteLisa
Thank you for those kind words, it made me feel better to hear I'm not really losing it!!! I hope you get back to running soon too. I notice you are from Las Vegas, I'm going on holiday there in August - something for me to look forward to!!!
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