DEPRESSION...

I know I shouldn't stress about it but I can't help it!  

I forgot to do my weigh in yesterday so today was the day and I wish I had forgotten!  Everything has gone up - weight as well as every body measurement.  Middle age spread has obviously caught up with me and I am going to slowly expand until I explode.  The extra weight will be what's making it such hard work to run. I need to get back down to my "racing weight" to make running easier as well as for my own mental well-being and self image. People say I don't look like I have put on weight but I KNOW they are being polite.  None are my clothes comfortably fit me anymore and just by looking in the mirror I can SEE every pound I have put on.  Someone even said I was "looking butch" in a recent photo - now that says it all doesn't it? All i want is to feel fit and healthy and to be able to fit into my jeans without the disgusting muffin top I currently have.  I will NOT give in and buy bigger jeans.  

I have been eating to help me through tricky times. I NEED to STOP and get a grip.  The more I eat, the fatter I get, the fatter I get the unhappier I am.  A vicious circle. I thought blogging about my battle with the biscuit tin would help me, but evidently it hasn't. 

The time has come ...

and the holidays have begun!   YIPPEE!!! 

Yesterday was a very hectic last day at school and although as a church school we do our best to educate children about the meaning of Easter when you are 4 years old it's all about Chocolate so we had an Easter Egg hunt outside.  It was freezing cold but the kids didn't notice in all the excitement of hunting for chocolate, at least we didn't have to worry about it melting!  As well as it being the last day before the holidays we also had two "long serving" staff members retire which = CAKE in the staff room!.  Once I got home (after eating more than my body weight of delicious chocolate cake and mini eggs) I decided to go for my long run immediately.   

However, first I opened my post and was very excited to receive my Edinburgh Rock 'n' Roll race number!  A few weeks ago I couldn't even begin to hope that my ankle would be strong enough to run, and here I am with 2 weeks to go and I am relatively pain free!! Life's good!

I didn't have time to peruse all the race information as "Mum's Taxi" had been booked for lift into town at 5.45pm and I needed to get going on my run if I was to get back in time.  I had a 10 mile route in mind and thought I had plenty time to run and shower before doing my taxi duties.  

Unfortunately, I had based these timings on my pre-injury running times and had forgotten that although I was never a galloping Gazelle 

I was now most definitely a S l o w snail and my 1hour 25 minutes estimation was ever so slightly optimistic! 

I left the house at 4pm shouting over my shoulder I'd be back by half 5!  It was a beautiful afternoon with a bright blue sky but it was still very cold and windy!  I decided on a "there and back" loop that I knew was 10 miles, I didn't have time to worry about coming up with a new route!   The chocolate cake and mini eggs felt heavy and I was sure someone had tied weights to my trainers - it was hard going!  I encountered several hills on my run and I was very tempted to walk on more than one occasion but my determination won through!  However, I did feel at times that although I was doing the running motion perhaps it would be quicker to walk! I had to give myself a good talking too on my than one occasion when I was feeling despondent with my efforts -  I was out there doing it and that's all that matters (except getting home in time for doing taxi duties!).  I was very conscious of the time creeping by and although I kept telling my legs to run faster they just refused.  I regretted over-indulging with cake and chocolate and cursed my lack of will power! 

I eventually fell through the door just before the allotted departure time, to be greeted by a scowling toe tapping teenager and the words "you only just made it!".  I grabbed a water bottle out the fridge and jumped in the car red faced, panting and very sweaty alongside a horrified daughter! She mumbled something like "I hope no one see's me!", at which point I replied "you could always walk".  Funnily enough I got no more grief after this!

I said I would be back, and I was - JUST! Phew! 

By the time I got home my sweaty clothes had turned cold and I was freezing! I was pleased to jump in a red hot shower! Once out the shower I could analyse my run after uploading it to the website! I'm a bit of a geek when it comes to running stats, I think I spend longer analysing every run than I do running! Then I bore the entire household by insisting they look too!! I couldn't even enjoy a glass of wine whilst doing this task as "Mum's Taxi" had also been booked for the return journey! You too can be bored and see the data here! This confirms my initial thoughts that I was in fact slow! 

However, after being injured I do think:

Whilst relaxing and recovering from my run I was half watching television when an image caught my eye on the screen.  It was on The North West News and it soon got my full attention when I recognised the man in the picture.  It was the man who had stolen my i-phone last time I was in Manchester! It spooked me out seeing him again but he had been sentenced to 20 months in jail for stealing 15 phones! It made me feel better that I wasn't the only stupid one he had duped and that the Police described him as a skilled fraudster! It has made my day knowing he has been caught and sentenced!  There is some justice in the world! You can read the news report here!

Today is Good Friday! 

I'm not particularly religious but I do like to remember the reason we have Easter but why is it called "Good" Friday when it is supposed to be a day of mourning and sorrow over the sacrificial death of Jesus Christ? 

As I had done a long run yesterday today was classified as a non-running day. So, as it was another beautiful morning with bright blue skies we decided to make the most of it and go for an early walk.  Well actually we were restricted for time (again!) as I had to be back for my sports physio appointment and my husband had to be back as he was going to Liverpool with our son to see Derren Brown.  I was invited but really didn't fancy it!

We went to Whinlatter and managed to climb both Whinlatter Fell and Brown How although it was extremely snowy and icy.  A lovely 6 mile walk although very cold and windy and hard going in places where I disappeared up to my ankles in snow!  Not ideal with a dodgy ankle. You can view it  here.

I got home just in time to have a quick shower before heading off to see my Sports Physio and for the first time it DIDN'T hurt! He even gave me some harder exercises to do as it has improved so much!! Things are looking up!

I've only just realised it is 10pm on a Friday night which means it was weigh day and I forgot!  YIKES! Too late now, it will have to wait until morning although I have made (with my fair hands!) Hot Cross Buns, Fudge and Key Lime Pie today so it isn't going to be good!  

My physio has said not to run tomorrow after he manipulated my ankle, so another non-running day - what shall I do instead?

Only 16 days to go until ...

Post injury miles and inch/weight loss since 9th March!

Running:  35.69 Miles

Walking:  32.06 Miles

Cycling:  34.87 Miles

Cross Trainer: 0.90 Miles

Rowing: 1.24 Miles

Swimming: 0.67 Miles or 43 lengths

Pilate's total Time: 2 hours

Core Strength Total Time: 1 hour 36 minutes 34 seconds

Weight loss: 0 / 8 pounds

Hips: 0.5 inches

Waist: 1.5 inches

Thighs: 0.5 inches

A bit of a rant!

Yes, there is only one day to go!

Yes, tomorrow is my last day at school for Easter! 

Yes, I get 2 weeks and 1 day off for Easter!

Yes, I get lots of holidays throughout the year!

Yes, I am lucky and I enjoy my time off!

HOWEVER,

• I am a Teaching Assistant and NOT a Teacher so I only get paid for the hours I work! Therefore I have 2 months every year unpaid, whereas Teachers get paid all year round.
• I am NOT allowed holidays in term time, so as well as not getting paid when the children are off I have to pay premium prices when I go on holiday myself.
• In the 6 weeks Summer Holidays I cannot get another job (its in my contract) and I cannot claim benefits.

So next time you think how lucky school staff are for getting all the holidays, please remember that some of us suffer financially and we cannot do a thing about it.  I would actually like to work more weeks of the year but with the children being off I don't have the choice. 

Its makes my blood boil when I hear people say "It must be great to have all these holidays".  It would be if I got paid!

DEEP BREATH .... 

ONE, TWO, THREE!

and relax!

Rant over!  Sorry I just had to get that out my system.

Perhaps I would feel calmer if I had gone for a run tonight, but unfortunately tonight was a non-running night. I feel very stressed and uptight and I hoped going on the Turbo Trainer with Troy yelling at me would make me feel better.  It did momentarily but then the "I want to kill someone" feeling soon came back!  

I only did 7 miles in 30 minutes, an average speed of 13.4 Miles per hour. After running a long distance last night I didn't want to push my ankle too far, especially as I have another long run to do tomorrow.

As well as going on the Turbo Trainer I took the dog out for a "ball chasing walk" after school which equals not many miles in the bag for me (0.87 to be precise!) but an exhausted dog at the end of it! 

I hope I feel better about myself tomorrow.  At the moment I feel fat, bloated, horrible and unfit!  No time to dwell as I have only 

, Only 18 days to go until ...

Post injury miles and inch/weight loss since 9th March!

Running:  35.69 Miles

Walking:  26.06 Miles

Cycling:  34.87 Miles

Cross Trainer: 0.90 Miles

Rowing: 1.24 Miles

Swimming: 0.67 Miles or 43 lengths

Pilate's total Time: 2 hours

Core Strength Total Time: 1 hour 36 minutes 34 seconds

Weight loss: 0 / 8 pounds

Hips: 0.5 inches

Waist: 1.5 inches

Thighs: 0.5 inches

I took the plunge!

My ankle was sore all day yesterday at work so although last night was supposed to be a running day I gave it a miss and went for a swim instead! 

My first swim in 10 weeks!  I was ever so slightly nervous that my technique would have gone to pot and that I would be back to square one! I could easily of convinced myself that it was too cold, I was too tired, my ankle was too sore BUT I reminded myself I had my first Triathlon in 7 weeks , well not really a proper Triathlon but a "pretendy" Try-a-tri Triathlon but I still need to improve my swimming so I don't embarrass myself totally and drown without a trace! 

I shivered as I removed my many layers of clothes and I did wonder why anyone would want to change into a swimming costume when it was so bloody cold!  Before I could change my mind I found myself by the pool side, looking out over the masses, I think I probably let out an audible sigh and groan!  The "non laned off section" was packed full of teenagers all thinking it great fun to try and drown each other and the lanes were full of  swimmers who all looked like they were competing in the Olympics!   A decision was to be made - which did I brave?  I decided to opt for the teenagers with the thought I could join in with the drowning ritual if they truly got on my nerves. 



I tentatively lowered myself into the shallow end, and after several seconds hopping from foot to foot making chimp noises (it was THAT cold!) I just bit the bullet and plunged under the water to get it over with!  I decided to start gently with breast stroke and weaved a wiggly path as I dodged the many teenagers who had no intention of swimming at all! After a couple of lengths of feeling my blood pressure rising I decided it was safer if I went into the lanes, lest I might find myself charged with murder! 

I initially felt quite intimidated being with super fast swimmers but I gave myself a good talking to and told myself I was as entitled to be there as them.  I had paid the same as them, and if I was too slow - TOUGH!  Once I relaxed and stopped worrying about everyone else I actually enjoyed it.  I didn't swim for the hour I had planned, I was only in the pool for about 45 minutes as my shoulders and arms started to ache and by the end were killing me! I decided not to push it too far and break myself back in gently!  I managed 1075 metres or 43 lengths or 0.67 miles.  Not too bad for my first time back! I didn't have any sneezing episodes afterwards either so I'm back to feeling more positive about my swimming prospects!  

Perhaps I will invest in some new goggles though, as whatever I do to my current ones to slacken them off I still end up feeling like I have bruised eyes and look pretty scary for a few hours afterwards!  Not a good look!!

Tonight as my ankle felt OK again I decided to risk a run! It was very chilly and windy out but once I got going I was OK.  As I went out straight after work I was able to go on the country roads, its been too dark up til now to venture out of town.  

It felt good to do a different route, and although there was several hills thrown in I felt quite comfortable and managed my longest

distance since my injury which I'm delighted about!!  I ran 8.58 miles at an average pace of a 9:55 minute mile.  Still need to speed up but at least I'm managing the miles now - or should I say my ankle is surviving the miles now!!  I will have to wait and see if it makes me suffer tomorrow! You can view this run here.

Sunday was the date I was supposed to do my first Duathlon in Carlisle.  I decided to opt out due to my fitness levels being crap and also not wanting to stress my ankle too much! One day I will compete in one!!

HOWEVER, Only 19 days to go until ...

Post injury miles and inch/weight loss since 9th March!

Running:  35.69 Miles

Walking:  25.19 Miles

Cycling:  27.87 Miles

Cross Trainer: 0.90 Miles

Rowing: 1.24 Miles

Swimming: 0.67 Miles or 43 lengths

Pilate's total Time: 2 hours

Core Strength Total Time: 1 hour 36 minutes 34 seconds

Weight loss: 0 / 8 pounds

Hips: 0.5 inches

Waist: 1.5 inches

Thighs: 0.5 inches

Exhilarating run!

I woke up on Saturday morning feeling slightly groggy after consuming a wine or 2 on Friday night along with a take away (you can really tell I'm taking this healthy eating and life style plan seriously!). In my defence, James, my son, came back from university for the Easter Holidays so we had to have the traditional family get together and a take away or he would have felt unloved!!!

On Saturday Morning it was cold and very windy outside and I was sat on the sofa wrapped up warmly in my pyjamas and dressing gown and really didn't feel inspired to go for a run. Especially as I could hear the wind howling around the house and see the trees swaying frantically, with snowflakes swirling around. Brrrrrrrrr it just looked so bleak, cold and uninviting.

Even when my husband put Formula One on the television I wasn't immediately spurred on to go out.  I eventually convinced myself that I would feel bad for the rest of the day if I didn't go, and as we were going to Harrogate to stay with friends later in the morning I knew it would be my only opportunity to run this weekend.

I reluctantly got changed into my running gear including long tights, long socks, windproof long sleeved top, T Shirt, hat and gloves and I headed out into the wilderness! I tried to warm up whilst waiting for my Garmin to locate the satellite.  I think even my Garmin was thinking it was too cold as it took ages before it reluctantly found satellite and I was eventually off.  I soon passed a postman who cheerily said "I would just give up now love, its bloody freezing!". Not to be deterred I smiled and kept on running.  

After the initial shock at how chilly and windy it was I soon started to warm up and then I started to really enjoy myself.  The mixture of an embracing cold wind and light snow made it an exhilarating experience. The howling tormenting wind battered me from all sides and annoyingly kept pinching my hat! I kept having to rescue it and firmly pull it back down on my head! Then there was the snow flakes swirling into my face and eyes but luckily when it landed on the ground it just disappeared so it didn't make it dangerous to run in, just wet. Even with all these obstacles thrown at me I felt great and wanted to keep on running!  I understand now how Forrest Gump felt and I just wanted to run, but not wanting to overdo my ankle I only ran the 6 miles I had planned! 

By the time I got home I actually felt hot, fantastic and alive!

I didn't see any other runners out - does that mean I am the only barking one?! 

You can see this run here.

The snowdrifts we passed on our way!

I got showered and changed before we headed off to Harrogate to visit some friends who live there.  We were a little dubious about whether we should risk the journey in such bad weather conditions but decided to give it a go and if we had to turn round and come home we would!  

The snow drifts we drove through were truly amazing!  I have never seen anything like it in my life!  Scary but fabulous to see!  Thankfully we made it there and back without incident but did pass several cars and even a gritter who hadn't been so fortunate and were off the road!

 I spent last night over-dosing on food and alcohol, but had good fun with good company! I feel really bloated and unhealthy now but it was worth it! I really need to get back into healthy eating but life just keeps getting in the way!!!

To try and counteract some of the damage done, we went for a walk with the dog.  By Jove there was a cold bracing wind.  My face actually hurt it was so cold and blowing right at us. You can view the walk here.

I was briefly browsing my blog to see what I was up to this time last year and found it unbelievable that the weather was so different!  I was actually out walking in the sunshine, wearing a T Shirt with suntan lotion on! Fast forward one year and ...... BRRRRRRRR! I hope we get some nice weather very soon.  I have had enough of winter now!

Only 21 days to go until ...

Post injury miles and inch/weight loss since 9th March!

Running:  27.11 Miles

Walking:  25.19 Miles

Cycling:  27.87 Miles

Cross Trainer: 0.90 Miles

Rowing: 1.24 Miles

Swimming:

Pilate's total Time: 2 hours

Core Strength Total Time: 1 hour 36 minutes 34 seconds

Weight loss: 0 / 8 pounds

Hips: 0.5 inches

Waist: 1.5 inches

Thighs: 0.5 inches

I will not despair but ...

when I stepped on the scales this morning the numbers moved in the wrong direction and I am back to square one!  ARGHHHHHH!  

However, when I analyse the week I have had it really doesn't suprise me since I have eaten more than my body weight in cake, biscuits and junk washed down by copious amounts of the alcoholic stuff.  I had been hoping the increase in exercise would counteract this but evidently not! I could try and blame dodgy scales, hormones, fluid retension, lack of sleep blar blar blar for putting on weight but I won't because I know it's all due to pigerism! 

Oh well, so I have fallen off the wagon, I am going to pick myself up, dust myself down and get back on it!  This week I am going to try a different tack and keep a food and drink diary and hopefully shame myself into healthy living! I will leave blogging my food diary until I REALLY need to shame myself into healthy eating!

However, on a positive note the scales may have gone up but the numbers on the tape measure have mericulously come down!  I have lost half an inch off my waist, half an inch off my hips and half an inch off my thighs so the exercise is obviously doing some good!

It has been bitterly cold here today with horrendous winds. It has snowed all day but it has been that unpleasant "wet snow" which doesn't stick! However, after spending 2 playground duties and a dog walk outside I decided I had had enough of being cold and opted out of an outside run! Instead I managed a very short effort on the Treadmill, a pathetic 1.88 miles to go with the 0.81 dog walk miles. I decided to have an easy night in the hope that the weather will be better tomorrow and I can get outside for a proper run! After enduring my dreadmill session I did my Physio exercises too. 

Only 23 days to go until ...

Post injury miles and inch/weight loss since 9th March!

Running:  20.73 Miles

Walking:  22.37 Miles

Cycling:  27.87 Miles

Cross Trainer: 0.90 Miles

Rowing: 1.24 Miles

Swimming:

Pilate's total Time: 2 hours

Core Strength Total Time: 1 hour 36 minutes 34 seconds

Weight loss: 0 / 8 pounds

Hips: 0.5 inches

Waist: 1.5 inches

Thighs: 0.5 inches