Whoops - Too early!

I have been on count down to Saturday - The day my Physio says I can try a 10 minute run!

Unfortunately today due to an unavoidable emergency that I needed to respond to I ended up running at sprint speed  - and by do I know about it now! 

My foot's response has been to swell and be painful - here's hoping it has forgiven me by Saturday so I can take it for the prescribed gentle 10 minutes slow run! 

I am currently icing and elevating and hoping it will be forgiving!

Emergencies allowing I will be kind to it until Saturday! 

It's not getting any easier!

People say things get easier given time ... 

Life is  not getting ANY easier, and it is taking too long to heal this bloody ankle! 

I need to RUN! I need to run NOW!

Fed up with sitting around feeling sorry for myself I decided to have a little go on my bike. 

I have lost all my confidence.  

I was frightened to clip my feet into my pedals in case the action of unclipping tweaked my ankle, so cycled on the flat side of my pedals.  

I felt unsafe in traffic and unfit in general. 

I had so many negative thoughts going through my head I really didn't enjoy the experience. I was cold, tired and nervous and I thought "What the hell am I doing this for?".  It only took a few flakes of snow to persuade me to go home after a measly very slow 6 miles. 

This pathetic attempt of a ride can be seen here.

However, lets be positive -  at least my ankle or tendon isn't objecting!

After weeks of inactivity and comfort eating I need to get a grip!  

After 38 non-running days I only have 5 to survive before I can go for a little run! Whooooo Hooooo!

In those five days I am going to try and eat a healthy diet and regain some fitness by persevering on my bike, go swimming and for some fast walks.

Next week I was supposed to be cycling in the Eden Valley Epic Sportive but my Physio said it really wasn't a good idea at this stage in my recovery.  I begrudgingly cancelled my place and was pleasantly surprised and delighted to be given a full refund as I had cancelled due to unavoidable circumstances!  


There is still some people with a kind heart in the world!!

It's my third event I have had to cancel, I hope it is the last!

"The man from physio, he say 'Yes!'"'

... sort of!!!

Tonight I went back to see the Sports Physiotherapist for my follow up appointment.  He had me doing lots of different exercises using a a spiky massage ball and balance board which weren't painful to do - just difficult for someone uncoordinated and unbalanced like me! Afterwards he did some more manipulation and deep massage which surprisingly didn't hurt at all this week, then he taped me up again.  I went for a different colour tape this week for a change!

I then dared to ask THE question ... when can I run?

He put a great big smile on my face when he replied "I think you will be OK for a week on Saturday!".  I had an image racing through my head of me pounding my usual route until he added " ... for 10 minutes, SLOWLY!"   

It's a start at least!  

I am allowed to do 10 minutes on the Saturday, 12 minutes on the Monday, 13 minutes on the Wednesday then I have another appointment with him on the Thursday to see how its holding up.  If all is good I can continue to slowly increase my speed and distance from there!  Whoooo! Hoooo!  Excited Muchus!!!

I also have to continue with my exercises on the days I'm not running!

On 3rd March I'm supposed to be cycling in a 60 mile sportive, but the man from Physio said a resounding NO to this! Hey Ho I can't have everything!!! 

Only 8 days to go until I am a RUNNER again! 

I'm very, very HAPPY!!!

NO DNS!

10 days ago on the 10th February I was supposed to run the Mad Dog 10k but due to my ankle injury I had to pull out!  When the results were published I fully expected to see my name there for all to see with DNS (did not start) next to it (again). I'm a gluten for punishment and although I promised myself I wouldn't torture myself by looking at the results I couldn't resist! Imagine my delight when I discovered I don't exist as far as the Mad Dog world is concerned!!! 

I don't know why but there was something very distressing about having DNS in the results alongside my name for my last cancelled race  - I felt such a failure! So I'm a happy puppy -  even though I didn't run it I wasn't named and shamed either! Also as an added bonus my friend took my race number to the event and managed to get me a T Shirt!  I feel a bit of a fraud having a "I'll be back" T shirt when I haven't even been to start with but hey ho I paid my entry fee!! 

Exactly a week after having my i-phone stolen in Costa, Manchester I finally got a reply to my email complaint.  A not very satisfactory reply may I add! Bearing in mind I asked the Manager on the day "Do you have CCTV?" and her reply was loud and clear "No!" 

Today I received this reply:

costafeedback@whitbread.com	12:10 PM (5 hours ago)

Dear Mrs Wallace

Thank you for your email.

I have contracted the store and they do have CCTV by the tills.

Unfortunate this does not cover the whole store.

As a result of your feedback I have asked the store manager to speak to all team members to ensure they all keep an eye out going forward.

Kindest regards

Mary Moore

CUSTOMER SERVICES TEAM

As you can see a heart felt apology showing they are very concerned about their customer's welfare - NOT!  They obviously put a higher price on their own takings and staff having CCTV just at the till and sod the paying customers!

I cannot believe there isn't even a hint of an apology for what went on whilst I was in one of their shops. I won't be returning in a hurry.

Ups and Downs ...

It's been a bit of a Roller Coaster ride dealing with my ankle injury ... it keeps giving me little peeks into what it would be like to be pain-free then just when I'm thinking "It won't be long now", it strikes again just to remind me that I'm not going running just yet! After a day on my feet at work I now have not a very happy ankle!

I'm finding it difficult to deal with what normal life throws at me at the moment, as usually when something stressful happens I go run, and I keep running until I feel better!  At the moment I find I am wallowing in things and feel like I can't get away from them.  

Running really is my anti-depressant and I miss it like another person would miss popping pills! But I must stay positive and strong.  I will get through this and probably look back and laugh at how unbearable I have been during my recuperation!   

I am religiously doing the exercises prescribed by my sports physio although the ones using the resistance band are proving difficult for me.  I will persevere and hopefully they will do me good!!

I have another follow-up appointment on Thursday, where he will do some more manipulation (Ouch) and hopefully I will see some more progress in my condition!

This evening I went to give blood for the third time.  Last time I went I struggled for a couple of weeks afterwards with fatigue whilst running, and I was a bit dubious about going again if it was going to affect my own health and well being.  However, when my appointment came through I decided to go since I am not running or exercising at the moment and it would be good to help someone else whilst feeling so useless! I was amazed at how quickly I was in, seen and out!  Last time I had to wait over an hour even though I had an appointment.  This time I was back home in half and hour, very efficient! 

NOT a good combination - BEWARE!

After getting no where with the Manchester Police I have decided against pursuing a claim for my stolen i-phone.  I only have 6 weeks left until I can upgrade and the cost of returning to Manchester, along with paying the insurance excess and all the hassle that goes with it makes me think it's not worth it.  The bad guy wins again. Luckily a very kind, caring and considerate friend has lent me an old iphone they do not currently use so that I can survive until the upgrade.  I'm appalled by Costa's lack of empathy.  I emailed them on Wednesday evening explaining what had happened and I haven't even had an acknowledgement back let alone an apology. Its especially shocking that they show such a lack of concern when they actually encourage customers to use phones and lap tops by offering free wifi on their premises but do absolutely nothing to protect us from criminals.  Perhaps I will start visiting Nero's or Starbucks for my future coffee stops. 

Life's on the up ...

For the first time in over a month I'm starting to feel a little positiveness creeping in!!! After visiting the sports physio yesterday I got up this morning and for the first time since my injury I had NO PAIN!!!! 

I went for a 1.5 mile walk with the dog and I expected it to start bothering me by the time I got back but lo and behold it didn't!!!

It only started aching slightly after I had stood ironing this afternoon - moral of the story is obviously don't iron - I can cope with that!!!  

Anyhow, I haven't been able to stand on my tip toes at all since the injury and this is one of the exercises I was given by the hospital to try daily ... today ... straight up there on my toes ... no bother!!!

Sooooo excited ... could I be on the road to recovery?! That man must have magic healing hands!!!

I'm not sure whether it's the "magic tape" giving it support and that's why I am not feeling any pain or whether he has tweaked the thing I managed to untweak back in place!!!  

Although he said yesterday he couldn't see me running for another 3 weeks or so he suggested aqua running to me.  I will give anything a go in the name of fitness so I set about on an internet search for a aqua running belt and came up with one here.  I hope it arrives soon so I can go to my local pool and look a complete fool, I'm not proud!

What next ...

Happy Valentines Day everybody!  

Just a quick update!  After being in severe pain for a month and still not being able to walk far, let alone run, I decided to take action and went to see a sports physiotherapist today!

A slightly painful experience at times, but it feels better for it now, although that may be because its taped up to keep things in place!!  I have been given some more exercises to follow and another appointment for more manipulation to drain more fluid! 

Apparently the initial ligament damage diagnosis I got from the hospital was a load of pants! I actually have a ruptured tendon as well as ligament damage! 

He said it was a good job I had decided against walk/running the Mad Dog last week, as he didn't think I would have finished even with it taped up! 

So ... at least another month of no running!

Yesterday as a way to cheer myself up I met a friend in Manchester for what was supposed to be a bit of girlie banter and relaxation. However, just like everything else in my life at the moment this didn't go according to plan.  I met my friend and we headed straight to Costa.  I put my handbag on the little coffee table in front of us and then relaxed on a nice leather sofa with a Cappuccino!  About 10 minutes later this foreign geezer came up to us waving leaflets in our faces trying to sell us things.  We kept saying no and tried to get him to leave us alone.  He took some getting rid of, and I felt relieved to see him go ... until I noticed my i-phone had gone too! Devastated I spoke to the Costa manageress who very blazay about it and said "Oh yes, he has been in before doing the same thing!" - errrrr excuse me then ban him from your premises and protect your innocent customers! I couldn't believe it! Anyhow I contacted Vodafone to block the phone and the police to report it.  The police gave me an incident number and said they would ring me back with a crime reference so I could make an insurance claim. They rang me this morning saying that in order to ensure it isn't a fraudulent claim they would have to give me a face to face interview.  i explained that I didn't live in Manchester and it would be a 4 hour round trip and with the expense of getting there could I have an interview with local Police here.  I got told that if I couldn't be bothered to go in to see them I couldn't get a reference and therefore cannot claim.  I explained that it wasn't a case of not being bothered but with work commitments it wasn't possible.  Basically that is tough so unless I spend more money on train fares I cannot make an insurance claim. Then to add insult to injury he said "from your description of him we know who he is ... he does this a lot! We arrest him every now and then!" 

Not bloody good enough if you then release him and he keeps doing it!!  He has obviously sussed out the police will do nothing about it so he keeps doing it!

His rights as a criminal top trumps my rights as a victim!  GGGRRRRRRR! 

Mad Dog ... missed!

Today is day 24 of my injury induced rest and also the day of the Mad Dog 10K race! This is one race I have been really looking forward to for a long time. I still can't actually believe I can't run it - I will be glad when today is over! Another DNS recorded against my name.   Not only do I have a dodgy ankle I also have a cold, cough and sore throat.  I feel like I have lost the fit and healthy me and have been replaced by a wreck of a body! 

I want the real me back!  

Instead, I am feeling sad, depressed, dejected, tired and lonely ... nothing seems to be going right in my life!  

I firmly believe I have only got this horrid cold because I am sitting around wallowing in germs, when I'm active and running I never seem to catch things even when everyone else does! I must usually be able to outrun them!

2 races missed so far, how many more?!

Something is going right at last!

WHOOPIE DOO I GOT A PLACE IN THE GREAT NORTH RUN BALLOT!  Third time lucky!  In previous years I have had to run for a charity and harass my dear family and friends for sponsors!  

I just need to get injury free, get fit and stay that way until September now!

BRING IT ON!

Whilst I am feeling so positive I have finally found an advantage of being injured and not running!  

My wash load has decreased enormously... but ssshhhh don't tell the rest of them as I always blame the mountains of washing on them, but once you take the Lycra out the equation its not too bad!

Getting worse ... not better!

I have been back at work for 3 days now and as the week has gone on my ankle has got worse.  Unfortunately working with four year olds doesn't allow me to rest my ankle! 

 However, I have still been expecting a miracle to happen and have kept lingering hopes that I will be fit to run albeit slowly at the Mad Dog 10K on Sunday. I have just had a reality check and I won't even be walking it on Sunday! I have just been out to test my run/walk theory and it turned into a walk/hop. Took me half an hour to do a mile! I think the mad dog organisers might have me put me down by the time I get to the finish! I was so positive last night too! Suffering for it now too! Not a happy pup at all! :-(

My aim now is to get cycle fit for my 60 mile cycle I have booked in March and run fit for Edinburgh Rock and Roll Half Marathon in April.

IRD (injury related depression).

I can't cope much longer ...

I have been trying to stay positive and look on the bright side but the truth of the matter is I am really struggling at the moment. I am definitely suffering from IRD!

What I really don't understand is that no one would expect a alcoholic or a drug addict to go "Cold Turkey" but it seems perfectly acceptable for the doctors to say to me "no running" and I'm supposed to say "Great, life is good!". 

My name is Lesley and I am a runoholic. 

I have cursed, I have cried, I have shouted, I have screamed, I have over-eaten and I am slowly turning into an alcoholic - I need HELP! 

I know I should think of this resting period as a short-term solution and if I don't rest I may have a long-term problem but that's not HELPING! 

Just when I think things are improving and I start to hope that I might be able to go for "just a little one" my ankle says "don't even think about it" and sends a sharp painful spasm just to remind me that it is useless! I'm sinking into despair and feel like I will never run again in my life.  As each day goes by I can feel all my hard earned fitness slowly slipping away and before long I am going to be back at couch potato level. If I go back to that level will I even want to run again?

Just to stick the knife in a little deeper, yesterday I got my race number for the 10K Mad Dog race I am supposed to be running next Sunday. 

Another DNS for me ...

... and then there's all the non-runners who really don't have a clue how bad I currently feel, about myself and life in general. They try and say the right things but get it all wrong.  People think I am irrational and being excessive when I say I feel bereaved as if someone has taken away my best friend. BUT That's what it is like. I depend on running to make me healthier, happier, saner, to focus my mind and to have a goal in life.

I want to run and I want to run NOW!  I know that sounds very brattish but that's how I feel.  I also don't appreciate being told that at my age injuries take longer to heal and perhaps now is the time to realise I am not as young as I used to be!  

NO! No! No! I will not be resigned to the scrapheap - just yet!


I know I'm miserable and my emotions are all over the place. I know patience and sympathy is running thin and I also know if this injury persists I will be totally alone in my suffering. No one wants to be friends with a neurotic injured runner - that much is clear!

So there it is! My life!  

I am back to work tomorrow for the first time since being signed off 17 days ago.  I think that hurts even more! If I am fit enough to work I am fit enough to run ... surely?